However, it is also true that you may be walking it well, your eyes on God, and your heart fully committed to Him, doing everything you know to eliminate any sin, unforgiveness, disrespect, and bitterness out of your own heart… and yet still remain in a hostile, heartbreaking place.
Maybe your husband accuses you of being a hypocritical brow-beater – that he knows who you really are and that God couldn’t possibly be growing or changing you. The “you” he decided no longer fits “him.” Maybe your pastor calls you self-righteous; that you are only acting changed in order to change your marriage, and tells you to stop doing anything blatantly “Christian” so that your husband won’t be offended. Don’t read your Bible or pray where he will see you. Don’t talk to your kids about what it means to follow Christ. Don’t point out any sin or brokenness. Just be where you are and wait for God to step in.
Just stay in the heartbreak until God steps in. The God you can’t see, can’t feel, can’t hear. The God who has seemingly turned his face from your broken heart. The God you are desperately clinging to because something in you knows, despite all the doubt, He really does have the last say.
Yet, God will step in. Everything you are doing to honor God in a time like this is your heart’s deepest surrender and worship. It’s that faith Hebrews talks about, where you believe what you can’t see. It becomes a deep place of abiding in Him you can’t explain to anyone, let alone really understand it yourself. The fabric of who you are becomes woven by His grace. And this changes everything.
Your heartbreak may not ever be resolved. Your spouse may still choose to leave, and the reconciliation you were looking for never happen. Your pastor may never understand how devastating to your family his unwise shepherding was. And your children may have to deal with the fallout of divorce on their own faith and relationships for the rest of their lives. So much of life may feel unresolved. But, God promises that even then, He will work it all out for His glory and your good.
So keep praying, keep walking, keep believing. Let God be your life, your joy, your heart’s desire. And watch to see the ways He brings you His love and His peace in every day.