If you are unwilling to evaluate where you are, you’re probably in the wrong place.
Pride keeps us from admitting our own foolishness, the mistakes and errs in judgment. It makes us cling to our own selfishness, which then leads us into even more errors in judgment. We stay stuck because we’re unwilling to admit we got ourselves stuck, and yet we try getting unstuck by staying right where we are. We run from whatever bitterness or pain we’re simultaneously clinging to, unable to admit that control is a fallacy and God’s way might actually be best.
Fear of being alone won’t let us tolerate getting rid of toxic relationships simply because, at least, there’s a relationship. We fear that even building good boundaries to protect ourselves from toxicity will leave us alone and unloved. We fear exposure, not realizing that to carry on being in the wrong place heading the wrong direction will bring more devastation than exposure would. We keep pointing our fingers at everyone else, without taking any responsibility for our own position. The position we put, and leave, ourselves in.
Complacency ties the pride and fear together in a hopelessly bound knot. You just don’t care anymore, so you plug along doing what you’ve always done.
I have worked with many people who didn’t really want to look at where they’d parked. And it was a good indication of how successful our sessions were not going to be. On the other hand, I’ve never heard anyone ever say they regretted evaluating where they were.
Here are some questions you can use to get started. Maybe they’ll be just the thing to get you out of the rut you’ve been in. Maybe their purpose is to open your eyes to danger ahead. Maybe it’s simply to deepen your relationships with the people around you.
- Where are you spiritually? Where is your heart with God? Are you holding onto bitterness or unforgiveness anywhere? Is there anything you are arguing about with Him? What are you doing to develop your relationship with Him?
- Where are you with your spouse? Is there something you’re allowing to fester? Are there things you’ve pushed under the rug that really should be talked about? Are you perpetuating or tolerating anything that dishonors God’s reflection in your marriage? What are you doing to build him/her up in Christ? What are you doing to deepen your relationship?
- Where are you with your kids? Is there brokenness in your relationship that you need to address? What ways have you shut them down and shut them out? What do you need to do to speak life into their hearts?
- What are your friendships like? Are their lives a quality heading in a direction you want? Are there toxic relationships you need to back away from in order to grow in what God is calling you? Do your relationships put a wedge in your spiritual life or your marriage?
- What are your habits? What are your addictions? What are the strongholds of your life? What is sapping your energy and stalling your ability to love and live well?